Budg-what?

I got my last paycheck from the old job on Friday, plus the money from vacation I hadn't taken, which turned out to be virtually another month's pay. That was a nice little surprise. But the knowledge that the pay is no longer flowing means I'm now thinking more often about spending than I have in quite a while.

(I also went to a Washington Nationals' game over the weekend, with most of my non-ticket expenses covered by a gift card I'd earned as a reward from my job last year - I guess it became a parting gift.)

I stopped balancing my checkbook long before people stopped using checkbooks. It's obviously my ridiculous - probably undeserving - good fortune that it has been quite some time since tracking income and outgo was a major concern for me. But I guess I've seen to it, through taking on this little adventure, that that may not be the case for much longer.

This lack of fiscal responsibility stems from a series of events:

• a job right out of grad school that paid so little and took so much time that the only expenses I had were food and shelter (I sacrificed health insurance for a nicer apartment, which still wasn't that great). 
• the unfortunate blessing of security through an inheritance, which left a large enough sum that not only could I invest some, but could also fall back on it when needed,  which I did during the last time I left a job, which led me to...
• the sale of a condo in a ridiculously overpriced housing market that generated enough money, even after investing most of it, for me to work a part-time job for two years while I looked for something better to do. 
• subsequently getting a job that paid well enough that, combined with the other funds, it eliminated any budget worries.

It's those other funds, actually money from the investment of those funds, which I now fall back on for the time being, again while I figure things out. But there's not quite as much readily available as there was a few months ago, because I recently purchased a new car. Ah, hindsight, you're such a nag.

A decade ago, during a stint of joblessness that lasted about seven months, I developed an "unemployment diet" that I actually kept to pretty regularly - a peanut butter sandwich and chips for lunch, a cheese sandwich and green beans for dinner (beverages varied). That was it. I don't remember how long I did that, but it was for a good stretch. How I didn't get sick of it after three days is a mystery. That was also the last time I would have done any serious finance monitoring.

I'm not sure if I'll need to do something like that soon, but my waistline has expanded since then, so it may be something to consider doing for that reason alone. I'd certainly be cutting back on the meals out.  I'm going home in a couple weeks, and refuse to deny myself a fun trip by worrying about penny pinching, so any strict austerity measures that might be needed are going to be delayed at least that long. I guess we'll see how it goes.

From Self-Imposed Unemployment to Self-Imposed Limbo

How is it that I can semi-develop a pseudo-plan, then sabotage it in its infancy? Because that seems to be what I've done by interviewing for a full-time job right after quitting the other one.

Not to say I haven't been "living the dream." I've been watching movies, sleeping in, catching up with old friends - just had lunch with DHS classmate Jon Conard today - you know, the usual great stuff you can't usually do. I have an industrial video shoot tomorrow - the kind of thing I could not have pursued if I worked days. And I just helped copy edit a newsletter for the acting school I went to, another thing I'm not normally able to volunteer for. On a somewhat related note, the number of things I post on Facebook has no doubt risen quite a bit, which I'm sure must thrill lots of people. Oh, look, here's another one.

But I can't very well keep going after auditions or video shoots, or look for freelance writing work, if I might be starting a new job. It's like getting off the trapeze bar right before someone reaches out to grab you. It kind of tarnishes the reputation for reliability within a circle I want to stay connected to. So until the picture is clearer - which should take two or three weeks, I guess - I'm in limbo. Meaning more movie watching mixed with the occasional household chore.

I guess it's hard to resist that idea of a guaranteed payday, especially if it's bigger. This, I suppose, is not surprising to me. But that little voice (or one of the several I hear from time to time) is saying "You call this risk-taking? Please!" I like that little voice - he's the one that got me to go skydiving. But he's also the one that told my younger self to leave that parking lot after I bashed that car, and I could've gone to jail for that. So I listen, but also take what he says with a grain of salt. (It was one-car, and I was the only person involved. Come on, people, I'm not a monster. I got caught, I paid up. Lesson learned.)

I'm not rooting against the idea of getting the job, because I think landing it would be a positive. Otherwise I wouldn't have applied. I'll just have to assess how I can make sure the work-life balance tips more positively toward life. And of course, this is all idle speculation since there's certainly a possibility I WON'T get the job. So how 'bout I just shut up about it for now?

Preparation + Opportunity vs. Talent + Indifference

Less than 48 hours after leaving full-time employment - before I really even have a chance to enjoy it, for Pete's sake - I interview for another position. What am I doing?

(Brief side note before I continue: Obvious perk of taking time off - Cocktail #3 of the evening sitting next to me as I type this. "And it's not even a weekend!" So I'm not very original. Sue me.)

The interview stems from a position I applied for right before I left the last job. It actually seems like it's exactly what I was hoping the last job would become, but never did. And yet now, all hyped up on my "freedom" trip, I have mixed feelings about the prospect. Which, as it turns out, seems to work in my favor.

Never underestimate the power of not giving a shit.

I'm not saying don't make an effort. Try as I might, I'm just not the kind of person who will go into that situation without at least some perfunctory background on the organization, and a query or two about the position. After all "Luck is preparation meeting opportunity." Or something like that.

I used to get nervous before and during interviews, because I REALLY wanted it. Once or twice, this paid off. Usually, it did not.

Today, for maybe the first time, I realized the power of not giving a shit combined with the fairly clear understanding that my experience makes me a near perfect fit for the job. Talk about intoxicating. Jesus.

And yet... there's this fantastic stretch of self-determination stretching out before me. Do I really want to just walk away from that? Well, bottom line, if the money is too good to pass up, I go back to the daily donning of business casual. After all, I can always quit!

And besides, assuming it's offered, I already said I couldn't start for another month, so I'll get four weeks off. It's like I work in Europe or something!

It Begins (Updated!)

This is not an original idea. Most aren't. But I'm writing, and sharing with anyone bored enough to read it, because I think it creates a kind of accountability that will help me in the long run.

I quit my job yesterday. Which sounds both dumber and braver than it actually is. I'm not living hand to mouth, and I am lucky enough to have a little money to fall back on. I had already been at that job longer than I'd worked anywhere else (more than three whole years!), and didn't see it going where I wanted it to. I don't worry about things working out, because they do, even if it's not the way you want. I just decided to go. There are things I'm looking to accomplish, and staying there wasn't making it happen. I am ready to do something different.

And, corny as it is, there's a certain sentiment that speaks to me, and that I try to hold to:

That's a card my sister gave me 12 years ago. I have it framed. If you've worked with me, you may recognize it. I happened to get it at a time when I had a dream in mind, but didn't have a way to get there, so it spoke to me then, and always has. Sure, it's kind of ridiculous, not least because I've got more than one dream. But so what? I say you find whatever fuel you need to push you where you want to go. (So long as it's legal, of course.)

People have told me they are jealous. Of course they are. Who doesn't want to wake up knowing there is nothing they absolutely have to do? But I'd love to improve my work skills while hopefully doing some more acting, and this will give me time. I plan to try and balance taking it easy with moving forward. Today, for instance, I researched taking classes and finding temp work, and screwed around on the Internet. Also, I did the dishes. 

If I'm lucky, and persistent, then maybe I'll be able to keep it up for longer than I should. If not, then at some point I suppose I'll have to return to the world of the wage slave. If my past effort at blogging is any indication, this might not be worth your time or mine. But I thank anyone that bothered for checking in. I don't plan to write here every day, but it seemed fitting to do so on the first day of freedom. 

UPDATE: Amazingly, I have a job interview tomorrow, for a full-time job. I actually find myself disappointed, as I wasn't expecting to have an opportunity so soon, and was looking forward to some relaxing (he says as though he's already got the job - real good).